i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
