we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
