wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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