i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize