nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
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