why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
