sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
this boner is exhausting
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
is it fun? or sober?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
