You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
