I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Your shirt... Was in my pants
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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