The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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