stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
soo... how was my night?
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