he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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