Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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