Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize