Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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