The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
