i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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