do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
