last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
