OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
