i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize