dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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