My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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