also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
