it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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