I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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