best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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