I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
