He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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