he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
