he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
