Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
