He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Randomize
