That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
