lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
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