I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
