I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Randomize
