She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
