tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
