dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
