OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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