My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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