I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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