I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
