The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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