someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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