Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
