She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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