I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
