Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
