I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize