She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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