Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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