My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
MIDGETS
????
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
