how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize