Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
