Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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