His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
