I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
