i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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