glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
