having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize
