oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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