when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
