Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
