I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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