that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
